🌹The Rose & Skull ☠️
Responses 1B
*** = my comments, after the student’s response
Please note that I’ll focus mostly on content here. For more thorough comments on grammar and format, see the previous responses. I try to put some variety into the sequences, so please don’t read anything into the order in which they’re presented. I mention this because in the previous term I tended to put the better ones last.
For responses I don’t evaluate, ask yourselves, What works and what doesn’t? By thinking this question through, you may be able to improve your own analysis and writing.
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Both pieces use metaphor to hide true intention. Friends uses the opening act comedian to illustrate that kissing is nice, but sex is the goal. They banter back and forth with both making points without fully verbalizing them. Claudius’s line about a "cloud over [Hamlet’s] head" comments on Hamlet’s demeanour, while knowing that he is the reason for Hamlet’s grief, but he can't acknowledge what he did. Hamlet sarcastically responds that “he is the sun” while glaring at Claudius. Tension is thick in both pieces: Friends uses a sensual and comedic aspect, while Hamlet uses a dark and tragic view. (100 words)
*** This response is extremely well written and makes numerous insightful points. The topic sentence could be more specific, yet it is specific enough to give us the direction of the paragraph. Also notice the correct use of brackets and title format.
The next response is a good contrast, since it doesn’t use format properly and since it lacks the specificity of this one.
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Both the excerpt from “Friends” and the passage from “Hamlet” utilize metaphors within their dialogue. The difference, however, lies in the topics being discussed as well as in the transparency in the meaning of these metaphors. In “Friends”, the simile-turned-metaphor becomes obscure as the metaphor extends. Readers are prone to getting lost regarding the true comparison being made. In Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”, there are two metaphors used, with one more extended than the other. Both metaphors reference Hamlet’s grief clearly, but the second metaphor said by Hamlet himself has a clear-cut meaning and comparison. (93 words)
*** Use proper title format. Also, be far more specific in your line of argument, and make sure to illustrate your ideas with specific illustrations. What are the metaphors involved? This response has a very good super-structure, yet it lacks the crucial details that make for an insightful explanation.
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In both Friends and Hamlet, the use of similes and metaphors are prevalent before extending into a conceit for different effects. For comedic effect Friends relates the experience of a concert to the various stages of sex. Contrarily, Shakespeare relates Hamlet’s brooding behavior to clouds hanging on him and the “nighted colour” of his clothes. Hamlet initially tries to dismiss this by saying he is actually “too much i’ the sun” but the metaphor turns to conceit in his last stanza where he states that his “suits of woe” are just the surface of his grief.
*** Use proper title format. This is very good, yet could be even better if the topic sentence indicated what conceits are used and what the effects are.
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In Friends we see a conceit that is heavily tied to linear progression, while the conceit in Hamlet is unconnected to time. The conceit in Friends relies on linear time to work. The metephor of comedian (foreplay) and Pink Floyd (sex) requires linear progression (Comedian first, Pink Floyd after). Though the girls and boys disagree as to the ideal order in the conceit, it is firmly grounded in a linear progression of events. In Hamlet the conceit is not a sequence of events. Hamlet instead uses weather unconnected by time. Lines such as “do the clouds still hang” and “I am too much in the sun” and “cast thy nighted cloak off” use states of the sky as metaphors for mood while not needing linear progression to be meaningful or understood.
*** Use proper title format (to differentiate character from play). This is a very high quality response, especially in the way it articulates the temporal sequence in Friends. I think the response could be even better, however, by more consistently comparing apples with apples. Instead of comparing temporal conceit in Friends to lack of temporal conceit in Hamlet, I suggest comparing the degree to which time and conceit work in both. There is, for instance, a time-related light/dark/clothing/weather conceit in Hamlet which could be used, even when the sequence appears to be broken: happy family —> uncle commits dark deed by murdering brother —> mother marries uncle in happy wedding —> uncle tells nephew/son to ignore the clouds hanging on him and to cast his nighted colour off (which can refer to both the body and the sky) —> son shifts metaphor from meteorology (the pun on sun and son) to dark garments (the inky cloak and suits of solemn black) which others might wear in seeming but he wears in earnest. The conceit in Hamlet isn’t as clear as it in Friends, yet the metaphorical connections are there in terms of cause and effect and in terms of interconnected imagery involving light, dark, clothing, and the weather.
For me, the above response is very successful in stimulating ideas. I hope students use the responses like this: look into someone else’s idea and then see what you might debate, work through, and make arguments about. In this way the responses of other students can help you both think about and generate new ideas.
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In the TV show Friends the screenwriter used an extend metaphor which develops and gets larger patterns, but in Hamlet William Shakespeare does opposite. In the Friends characters develop a metaphor from a comedian (kiss) to listening to an album alone at home (no relationship or sexual intercourse). The metaphors are interconnected, have a common meaning, and joint topic. However, William Shakespeare breaks up connections. In one sentence he writes “cloudy” (gloomy), and in another “fruitful river” (tears). Shakespeare doesn’t want to build a line of connection between metaphors, thereby the author shows Hamlet's attitude to the king. Hamlet doesn't allow the king to understand his thoughts, and therefore Shakespear makes Hamlet's speech rich of disconnect metaphors. (117 words)
*** This response needs to be shortened to 100 words and also needs proofreading. It makes a good point, however, since it delves into Hamlet’s motive for using certain types of speech. A better balance might be struck, however, between the disconnected metaphors and those metaphors which do connect.
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In the Friends clip the male characters use metaphoric communication to express their feelings about kissing. The guys among the group conceit by elaborating more as each character speaks, building solidarity to their point. The important factor here is, metaphoric communication in this clip is easy for the audience understand and relate too. Hamlet uses metaphoric communication in a different and more complex manner. Gertrude suggests that Hamlet takes off the dark clothing, and to move on from grieving with the death of his father. Unlike in the Friends clip where the true meaning of their conversation was obvious, it takes understanding that the clouds that hang over him and the dark clothing he wears, metaphorically expresses how he feels internally about his father’s passing.
*** Use proper title format. This is otherwise a clear and insightful response.
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Both display metaphor very subtlety in the passage but the topic is very different from the other. In friends the use of metaphor describes that both parties should enjoy the act of copulation but on the contrary the reality of beginning the act is very different from what is imagined. In Hamlets passage Hamlet is expecting that everyone should be grieving for the death of his father however the the kingdom is celebrating the newly crowned king. The metaphor that is implied in these two stories in friends and in hamlets is expectation and reality.
*** Use proper title format and proofread more carefully (parts in bold). Also, try to avoid general statements (such as the first sentence here) so that you can get more quickly to specific lines of argument. Try to make a specific argument in the topic sentence about how expectation differs from reality in the two scenes.
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The use of metaphors in the dialogue of Friends and in Hamlet begin very differently but end similarly. The scene from Friends signals the beginning metaphor by building on the comparison between kissing and an opening act. The metaphor in Hamlet is introduced very differently; it would be a visual metaphor, that begins when Hamlet walks on stage dressed in black to suggest he’s mourning. But both metaphors resolve by characters directly referencing it “Are we still talking about sex?” and Hamlets sarcastic response to the word “seems.”
*** This response could be even better if the student tightened up some of the wording so that there would be more space to explain 1. how Hamlet’s clothes connect to his metaphors and 2. how “seems” resolves the metaphors. I like the direction this is taking, though.
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In the friends excerpt, we see the friends start with a simile, shift into metaphor and then build upto to a complex conceit to communicate indirectly. In contrast, Hamlet 1.2.64-86 starts off with Claudius' and Gertrude's metaphorical references to Hamlet's grief like "clouds", "nighted colour" and "vailed eyes", which then gets deconstructed by Hamlet as mere symbols of grief, when he says "these but the trappings and the suits of woe". In deconstructing the metaphors for his grief, Hamlet is also communicating indirectly that he sees a sharp contrast between his real grief and his mother's and uncle's show of grief. (101)
*** This is an excellent response, although it needs proofreading at the beginning.
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In both dialogues, conceits are used as a form of counter-argument. In Friends, kissing is first compared to a 'stand-up comedian' but the ladies counter that, saying they better bring the 'comedian' back otherwise they could 'listen to the album alone'. In other words, sex would not be on the table. In Hamlet, they want Hamlet to 'cast thy nighted color off' and stop grieving. Hamlet retorts against this, implying the queen's mourning was superficial by comparing it to 'trappings' and also insinuating that it is not alone his 'inky cloak', meaning that she should still be grieving as well.
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The earnestness and emotion expressed by the girls (in Friends) and Hamlet gets undermined by the use of metaphor by the opposing party. The concert metaphor is extended on so the boys can indirectly say they want casual sex, while avoiding a potentially offensive conversation. Likewise, the references to nature in Hamlet (“the clouds still hang on you”; “nighted color”; “in the dust”) are extended metaphors used by Claudius and Gertrude to describe (but downplay the severity of) Hamlet’s grief and mourning. The girls and Hamlet play into the conceits but inject pun and sarcasm to reassert their opinions.
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Hamlet describes his feelings as a sort of clothing he wears. When Queen Gertrude tells Hamlet to “cast [his] knighted colour off”, she is telling him to move on from his past. Hamlet replies that it is “not [just his] inky cloak”, implying that there is more going on underneath the surface. This use of conceit parallels the conversation that occurs in Friends. Chandler speaks of kissing as an “opening act” and the others continue to extend that metaphor. While Friends extends this theme outward and applies it as a generalization of how girls act, Hamlet’s conceit dives downward into his psyche and hints at his inner conflicts.
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In friends, the guys see kissing as not the main part of sex but what leads to it. Girls say that kissing is just as important as the rest of the "concert" (sex). In Hamlet the passage uses the nighted color in Hamlet's clothes as the representation of his grief where his mother says he is being dramatic, when in reality his pain is deeper than just wearing darker clothes. Both talk about how something superficial can lead to something deeper. Kissing leading to sex and being just as important. Hamlet's clothing represents deep grief due to his father's death. (100)
*** Use proper title format. This response would be stronger if the argument for the entire paragraph was in the topic sentence and not buried in the paragraph: how something superficial can lead to something deeper. If the point was up front, the reader would know what to expect and the student could compare the two scenes with greater focus and detail.
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Both Hamlet and Friends use metaphorical communication playfully. In Friends, the process of making love is compared to a concert. The meanings become more humorous when Friends avoids directly stating the process because it allows viewers to imagine how making love resembles the concert. Hamlet replies that he is "too much in the sun," when Claudius asks why the clouds still hang upon Hamlet. The "sun" is a metaphoric answer for the King's metaphor having to do with clouds, but he also implies that he is depressed to be "son" of Claudius. This wordplay makes the reader more enjoyable. (99 words)
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In Friends, the boys explain that kissing is like the stand-up comedian before a concert; it’s not what they “paid” for but it is the prequel to the main event. The audience and the actors understand that the boys are using a rock concert as a metaphor. In Shakespeare's play, Hamlet makes a remark to Claudius: “I am too much i' the sun”. Hamlet’s true meaning is that he is too much of a son to his deceased father and that’s why he’s sad. Only Hamlet and the audience know that Hamlet is referring to ‘son’ and not ‘sun’.
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In "Friends" we are introduced with a metaphor of a "comedian" or kissing, which then changes into an allegory of sexual intimacy referred to as "pink Floyd concert" and "evaluation of the show" male's performance in bed. Similarly, as Claudius confronts Hamlet by use of metaphor for his depression "clouds still hang on you", Hamlet's clever play on words "I am too much i' the sun" hides a burden of becoming Claudius's son. In both scenarios, the metaphor turns into a clever conceit to allure the reader's attention from the subject at hand and give it a new meaning.
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Friends and Hamlet use the simplicity of simile and the convolution of metaphor to emphasize different ends, comedic and tragic. Both have characters, who would rather have the simplicity of direct comparison. Both have characters that deepen the metaphor. Hamlet notes that his grief “seems” like “the actions that a man might play”, in response to Gertrude. Joey can only follow along with the comparison of sexual activity to the “opening act” of a concert. The comedic payoff in Friends is the return to simplicity. The sorrow of Hamlet is the acceptance of the metaphors “that within which passeth show”.
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In Friends, listening to the album, purchasing the ticket, the opening act of the comedian, and a concert are used to portray the stages of one’s love life: thoughts about romance, going on a date, kissing, and sex. Whilst in Hamlet, Shakespeare uses nature to characterize different points in Hamlet’s grief. Metaphors like the clouds that hang on you, in the sun, nighted colour, windy suspiration, and fruitful river are used in the conversation between the three monarchs. Each metaphor holds different levels in itself to demonstrate the levels of what it represents: stages of romance and stages of grief.
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The cause of difference in metaphors is that in Friends, the point of disagreement between characters is farther down the line, where everyone agrees generally on how things happen, but disagree in specific steps of how they ought to, while in Hamlet, Hamlet cannot agree with the king about his mood, nor with his mother about the sincerity of his sorrow, before getting far into conversation. This shortness in the range of common ground between the characters in Hamlet is forcing each metaphor to be used in shorter bursts, and get stopped before they can be developed together between the characters in an extended, complex manner like in Friends.
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Despite there being a similarity in the sense of humour in the use of metaphoric communication in both the excerpts from ‘Friends’ and ‘Hamlet’, there is a contrast in motives. Following his father’s death, Hamlet in his dialogue with the King uses a combination of metaphors and puns to hide his resentment towards his step father and he states “I am too much in the sun”. ‘Sun’ referring to his relationship to the king and his own wellbeing. On the other hand, the conversation between the six friends on kissing is covered up by some of the males in a metaphor such as ‘the comedian’ in attempt to make their opinions on the matter of sex unnoticeable to their female friends in order to avoid an unpleasant reaction.
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