🌹The Rose & Skull ☠️
Response 2A
❧ Compare the mermaids at the end of “Prufrock” (text with notes here) to the “sea creature” in There is a willow (4.4. 165-182 — see your edition of Hamlet for text and notes; clips and colour-coded text version here). Make sure to compare a particular aspect, and get at the comparative significance of the nautical figures. Comparison is a skill that requires careful attention. Avoid giving detail about one text and then giving detail about the next text without showing how the two texts are related. There are many good examples of brief comparisons in the previous responses.
*** = my comments
The Mermaid at the Crossroads. In both “Prufrock” and There is a willow, the mythical, half-human mermaids portray possibility and a fleeting transformative state at the crossroads of spirituality and reality. As Prufrock pondered whether he “dare to eat the peach,” he was reminded of the “mermaids singing” and the possibility of attaining greatness from finding spiritual meaning in modern times until the “human voices” of science interfered. Gertrude’s description of Ophelia as “mermaid-like” was more literal. It marked a brief state where survival was possible as she transitioned from a woman with a purpose (hanging “her weedy trophies”) to a spirit in the afterlife. (100 words)
*** This reponse is insightful, well-written, and well-organized.
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The Sound of Sirens. The imagery of mermaids and drowning in “Prufrock” illustrate hope versus disillusionment while in There is a willow they represent beauty and death. In “Prufrock” the imagery of the ocean provides a natural setting for the singing mermaid metaphor, which turns into a conceit about hope. Prufrock is a depressed, awkward man who imagines a meaningful life under the sea but is pulled out of his fantasy and “drowns”. In There is a willow, Gertrude tries to make sense of Ophelia’s drowning by likening her water-saturated clothing to the beautiful tail of a mermaid. Both texts integrate the real and the mythological to create an idealized image of a bleak reality. (111 words)
*** Although this reponse is slightly too long, it is well-written, makes clear points, and has a clever title.
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Women are Mermaids. In Hamlet and “Prufrock” women are referred to as mermaids to entice the beauty of them. Prufrock has an intense self-depreciation over not being good enough and refers to the women as mermaids to show the reader how they are more beautiful then him; they would never sing to him, he’s not good enough. In Hamlet, “Ophelia” is being described as a mermaid to paint the appearance of her being beautiful and almost mythological as she floats to her death surrounded by the flowers and nature around. Both poems refer to woman as mermaids to show the beauty of women.
*** This is a good response, yet it tends to repeat the point and could go into some more specific aspects.
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Prufrock’s mermaid seems to be more mythical compared to Gertrude’s description of Ophelia. According to Prufrock, mermaid is a symbol for all of woman, as epitomizing female perfection and always in the distance, out of his reach. “I do not think that they will sing to me,” he says, as someone not worthy of the woman he desires. He sees the attractive and beautiful woman he desires, as an ideal unreachable mermaid. On the other hand, Gertrude describes Ophelia as an ideal mermaid occupying a body. Ophelia’s “clothes spread wide” as she was drowning like a mermaid, “as one incapable of her own distress,” says Gertrude. Ophelia is described as an ideal mermaid, as a sea creature native to the water, which gives us the assumption that Ophelia is a vessel for that ideal mermaid walking around in this unbelonging world, and thus, she seems to be unaware of her death and feels no “distress,” no pain, and no fear. Ophelia’s death is the exit of the ideal mermaid out of Ophelia’s body, and her returning to the world she belongs.
*** This is a good example of a potentially excellent response that loses marks because it has no title and, more importantly, it is way too long: 181 words! The response could easily be condensed. Be careful to read the instructions clearly.
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Searching For Love and Acceptance. Prufrock uses the mermaids and the sea creature to represent his challenges of finding love and acceptance. The use of imagery in the scene where the speaker reasons that, “I do not think that they will sing for me,” reflects his poor self-esteem and believes that he is unworthy of participation in the society’s romantic interactions. Similarly, the speaker uses imagery again when comparing himself to a sea creature that “should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floors of silent seas.” Here Prufrock admits he would be happier being a crab dwelling at the ocean floor.
*** This response has two big problems: 1. it doesn’t look into Hamlet, and 2. it’s far too close to observation. For instance, the last two sentence are very obvious. I’d suggest going into an aspect, like the ocean floor for instance. What are the lows or depths Prufrock and Hamlet explore? How are these different and how do they account for the language they use or the actions they take (or don’t take in Prufrock’s case)?
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The sorrowful nonswimmers. Both Eliot's mermaids and Shakespear's "sea-creature" serve to emphasize the miserable situation and reality. In The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, the mythological and vivacious scene of the mermaids “singing” and “riding seaward on the waves” make Prufrock’s sense of lethargy and alienation in reality stand out. This disconnection is again emphasized when he is woken by the voices from the real world. In Hamlet, the creature is “native” to and comfortable in the water. Using this creature as an object of simile for drowning Ophelia is paradoxical, yet it emphasizes the miserableness of the watery grave. (100)
*** This response is good, but needs proofreading, especially in the final sentence. How is it paradoxical?
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While Eliot’s mermaids symbolize how the mind can be utilized to escape from a bleak world, Shakespeare’s “sea-creature” symbolizes the destructive capability of the human mind because of reality. Eliot metaphorically suggests that immersing one’s self in their own imaginative thoughts is a beautiful exploration “in the chambers of the sea,” away from the “human voices.” However, like a double-edge sword, Ophelia's death through the “sea creature” implies that being immersed in one’s thoughts isn’t always an endeavour to something beautiful, but can rather be a stream of distress because the mind cannot fully escape the conditions of one’s reality.
*** Despite lacking a title and needing proofreading, this response gets at insightful points about psychology.
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Strong positive and negative imagery is used in both texts with the mermaids in Prufrock representing a plane of existence that the persona wants to be a part of whereas the sea creature is negative, longing for the sweet release of death. This is made clear by the personas sadness at being ‘awoken’ by the human voices, “Till human voices wake us, and we drown.”. The sea creature, however, welcomes death, “Which time she chanted snatches of old lauds,”. The mermaids in Prufrock allude to an afterlife, where one is not troubled by man (positive) whereas the sea creature is the perfect image of sadness and hopelessness. (negative) (108 words)
*** Aside from lacking a title and being a bit too long, this response is clear and well-backed up from the text. To get an even better mark, the student should dig a bit deeper into the subtleties of meaning or into the way the language works. Anytime you find yourself writing “this is made clear,” “obviously,” or “as we can easily see,” ask yourself if you are pointing out something that’s already fairly evident, in which case you need to dig deeper and explore some less obvious angle. Still, this is a good response.
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Beauty in Tragedy. Eliot and Shakespeare’s uses of mermaids illustrate beauty in tragedy. In Prufrock, mermaids are the final illustration of a bigger-than-himself experience that the narrator longs for; an unattainable beauty followed by the reminder of his humble reality. He desires the world they offer though “they will [not] sing to [him]” (125) and grieves when “human voices wake us” (131). In Hamlet, Ophelia’s clothes are “mermaid-like” (11), painting a seemingly peaceful image before her death. The mermaid image is replaced with that of a creature as tragedy falls, and words of nature’s grace change to those of a “muddy death” (18).
*** This response is very well written and uses the text well. I suggest using small quotes and integrating them into your syntax, as this student has done.
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Shattered Illusions. Both Shakespeare and Elliot warn the audience of the hopelessness that comes from allowing the opinions of others to dictate who you are. Both passages present allusions to mermaids, a fantasy character known for luring sailors, with their beauty and songs, to their deaths. Not only do the mermaids symbolize the characters impending death but illustrates the illusions they are living under. By living how they perceive those around expect, they have created a perfect image but despairing souls. Soon “human voices wake” them to reality and their illusions shatter, leading to “muddy death”. (94 words)
*** This is an excellent, thoughtful response. It could be even better if the student cut down a few words and briefly told us (or at least suggested) how each character lives according to the dictates of others. For instance, is the student referring to Ophelia in relation to Polonius or to Laertes? Is she suggesting that Prufrock lives according to the dictates of women, society, or the literati? Perhaps “the opinions of others” might be replaced with “lofty or fantastic ideals”? Finally, the student writes “the charaters impending death,” but a possessive apostrophe would help us know if the student is talking about one character or two (if two, then it is a bit hard to follow, since Prufrock only drowns metaphorically, while Ophelia actually drowns).
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The Death of the Siren. Traditionally in literature, mermaids are representative of the divine feminine, which is often tied with alluring beauty and imminent death and destruction of those who fall victim to their attraction. When applying this concept to both passages from the texts, each representation of mermaids in the texts signify different aspects of typical literary mermaids. Prufrock's mermaids for example fit the image of the beautiful alluring creature that is unattainable, just like the women that Prufrock idealizes. However, in Ophelia’s death scene, while there are no direct examples of mermaids, Ophelia in the process of her death, is described as mermaid/creature-like as she becomes entangled in the weeds, eventually drowning. While Prufrock’s mermaids focus on the aspect of unattainable beauty, Ophelia’s scene focuses on the imminent death and drowning that is associated with mermaids in literature while both conveying the femininity and ethereal nature of mermaids in literature. Word Count: 150
*** This is very well written yet it is 50% too long. The language could easily be condensed.
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The disparity from real mermaids. In both works, they use mermaids to reflect the negative states of the characters. In The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, Prufrock talks about himself as a shabby person. In particular, seeing mermaids "combing the white hair of the waves blown back" contrasts with Prufrock being embarrassed by his appearance. On the other hand, in Hamlet, it likened Ophelia sinking into the river to a mermaid rather than using the mermaid itself. Furthermore, paradoxically for her visual beauty, Ophelia is not a real mermaid, so her condition is adverse, and she faces death. (99)
*** This response is pretty good. It clearly explores a concrete comparison in “Prufrock,” yet the comparison regarding Ophelia is hard to understand.
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The notable comparison between the mermaids in 'Prufrock' and the sea creature in 'There is a Willow' is that the women in each story are compared to these mystical, unknown, and free beings. They ultimately end up being representative of death and yet mixed with the idea of the sea being a beautiful escape from each of their realities. Creatures of nature who are reclaimed by nature.
*** This response lacks a title and is good as far as it goes. Yet at 67 words, it could go much further, perhaps into an aspect of language, an ambiguity, a subtlety, etc. This is well-written, yet it needs to use more of the text and get further into an insightful idea.
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Becoming One with Nature. Well, Prufrock’s mermaid lives in the waves “seen them riding seaward on the waves” implying they are moving with the waves, wrapped in seaweed and singing bringing people closer. Giving a good imagined visual of the mermaid using the sea as a tool to catch people. Shakespeare’s creature is portrayed to be more one with nature “like a creature native or indued onto that element” when hr speaks of her garments heavy with drink it paints a picture of the water like arms wrapping around Ophelia pulling her deep into the water and her slow death.
*** This response shows that the student understands what’s going on, yet it fails to explore anything beyond the fairly obvious. It is also written in a slipshod manner. For instance, “Well,” is too informal, Prufrock’s mermaid is singular then plural, and the quotes are not properly integrated (and create fused sentences).
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"The Mourning of the Pretend " In "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock", there is a clear understanding of who Prufrock is. His self-doubt radiates as he finds his physical attraction to the young, beautiful women surrounding him. These women seem unattainable to him as he questions himself, "Do I dare disturb the universe?". Prufrock exhibits his question of self-worth through the physical form of who is. The "bald spot in the middle of my hair" made him bite his tongue and further critique who he is. He slowly fantasizes of these mermaids; they are rather excellent singing creatures and seem to be so reachable even though his insecurities are still in beam. He suspects that even in a world full of fantasy, the make believe will rather not accept him either.
*** At 127 words, this is too long. The student understands Prufrock’s character, but too much of this is obvious (indeed, the phrase “there is a clear understanding” suggests that what follows is already clear to the reader). The final point is very interesting, as is the title, yet this isn’t enough. Even more damaging, there is no comparison with Shakespeare.
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In Prufrock, the mermaids symbolize uncertainty, as they are creatures who embody the mysteriousness of the waters. He is concerned that “they will [not] sing to [him]”, paralleling to women not speaking to him because they no longer find him attractive in his old age. On the contrary, Shakespeare’s sea creatures represent beauty, as even when she is drowning, Ophelia is described as “mermaid-like”, encompassing a beautiful being. In both texts, mermaids are used to paint an ethereal picture against a menacing canvas of insecurity and death.
*** This response is very well written and makes strong points, although it needs a title. Also, I think some similarities and contrasts between the two texts might be noted: Prufrock’s mermaids easily embody beauty as well, and Ophelia is far more than her appearance (her innocence might be contrasted to the knowingness of Prufrock’s society ladies; her innocence might also contrast with the mud and dirt of the corrupted court and Hamlet’s brutality). So that mystery and beauty avoid becoming reductive, the student might add a few more adjectives (the response is only 87 words, so there is room for that).
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Songs of Water. Shakespeare and T.S. Elliot both use imagery and mood to describe their sea-creatures in Ophelia’s death and The love song of J. Alfred Prufrock. They do this by using sound and water. In Ophelia’s death scene the use of old laud and melodious lay before downing. And in Prufrock’s death scene the use of them singing to him and then human voices before drowning paint vivid moods. The use of water in both portray the creatures creates great imagery. Prufrock uses riding the waves to achieve this while Ophelia’s uses the clothes spreading out over the water to do it.
*** This response has a great title and some good ideas, yet it contains too much assertion and observation and not enough proof and detail. I’ll put the good ideas in bold, so that the student can think about how to keep those ideas and then add more good ideas to them. Avoid phrases like “use imagery and mood” without specifying the type of image and mood, as well as the effect of these on the description (for example, a dark image could enhance a depressing description). Also, avoid phrases like “paint vivid moods” and “creates great imagery” unless you show why these are vivid or great. Finally, the student needs to proofread more carefully for format, sentence fragment, and mixed construction. Despite these problems, this is a good response.
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Men's Twisted Conceptualization of Women. In both Hamlet and Prufrock the imagery of the mermaid relates to the sub-human conceptualization of women through the eyes of men. In Ophelia’s death, she is not depicted as a heroine finally standing up to the men using her but rather a mythical creature that cannot be understood. In the same way, women are seen as out of Prufrock’s realm of influence and are therefore mythical. He does not feel worthy of them, thus he conceptualizes them as mermaids that he can never have. In both scenarios, the men writing do not describe women as autonomous human beings, rather they are depicted as mythical, and impossible to ever understand or reason with. (113 words)
*** While this response is a bit too long, it makes many good points and is well-written. I wonder, however, if the depictions are quite so twisted. Is it possible that Shakespeare has his queen suggest a deeply poetic sympathy for a brutalized and marginalized women? And that Eliot may be suggesting a positive, liberated, and etherial side to women, one that his character Prufrock is too timid to access in real life? I don’t know the answer to these questions (and I suspect the former might be more likely than the latter). In any case, the student response is a good one in that it is powerfully articulated and thought-provoking. It urges the reader to further explore these ambiguities.
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Naïve Sea. Prufrock regretfully recounts his life in relation to what his life has become and not what he dreamt it could have been. The mermaids symbolize life lived without hesitation, fear or ‘what If’s. Prufrock realizes his mortality, that is we often dream of more in life until it’s too late. “Till human voices wake us, and we drown”. The sea creature (Ophelia) also encompasses the naïve or “green” outlook towards life, however hers is one of inexperience without regrets. Ophelia is like the mermaids in Prufrock's tale and Prufrock dreams he could have lived more like Ophelia
*** This response is very good. It could, however, use some proof-reading (in bold) and also it might take into account that Ophelia probably has a few what ifs of her own. It’s hard to say, since we don’t get a very clear look into her psychology. She does however seem to live under the constraints imposed by her father (for example, she is forbidden to see Hamlet) and her position at court lacks the freedom Hamlet enjoys (again, we learn this from Polonius’ scolding). I like the response’s provocative end, yet I wonder if a cultured man in early 20th Century England would really want to live Ophelia’s life… Still, this is a thought-provoking response.
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