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Student Responses 1A

Response topics: Write on any of the options following the leaf sign. ❧ Compare images of sensuality and beauty used by Romeo in “Love at First Sight” and Polonius in 1.3. 87-135. ❧ Compare the use of nature imagery (that is, imagery drawn from the natural world of lakes, trees, sky, animals, etc.) in Laertes’ advice (1.3. 6-54) and There is a willow (4.6. 151-168).

This week’s responses were on the following passages from Romeo and Juliet:

“Love at First Sight”

In the following excerpts from Romeo and Juliet (1597) the two Verona youths see each other for the first time at a party. Juliet (a Capulet) and Romeo (a Montague) fall in love without knowing that they belong to families that are at war with each other. The following three excerpts are from Act 1, scene 5. I've added the rhyme scheme for the second excerpt to emphasize how poetic form (here a sonnet) can be integrated into dramatic structure. In 4. Relationship: Romance you can find a brief introduction to love in literature, several definitions of romance, different film versions of “Love at First Sight,” etc.

Romeo [sees Juliet across the room]: 
O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
As a rich jewel in an Ethiop’s ear —
Beauty too rich for use, for Earth too dear.
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows
As yonder lady o’er her fellows shows.
The measure done, I’ll watch her place of stand
And, touching hers, make blessèd my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight,
For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night. […]

Romeo [taking Juliet’s hand]: 
If I profane with my unworthiest hand                a
This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this:                       b
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand         a
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.         b
Juliet: Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,   c
Which mannerly* devotion shows in this;       proper     b
For saints have hands that pilgrims’ hands do touch,            c
And palm to palm is holy palmers’* kiss.     pilgrim's      b  
Romeo: Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?         d
Juliet: Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.     e
Romeo: O then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do.      d
They pray: grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.             e
Juliet: Saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake.  f
Romeo: Then move not while my prayer’s effect I take.      f
Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged.           g
Juliet: Then have my lips the sin that they have took?    h
Romeo: Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged!   g
Give me my sin again. [He kisses her.]
Juliet                                    You kiss by th’ book.  […]  h

Juliet: My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me
That I must love a loathèd enemy.

❧

In general, I start with good, slightly flawed responses and end with very good, more polished responses.

*** = my comments & suggestions

Romeo & Juliet & Hamlet

Although there are obvious symbols of love, sensuality, and beauty in both passages, they are portrayed differently in the Shakespearian acts. In the act “Love at First Sight” when Romeo and Juliette first lock eyes you can sense an immediate attraction between the two just by the way they look at each other and gradually move closer to one another. Juliette is well groomed and dressed in a red dress that symbolizes love, and a large cross around her neck that portrays her innocence and purity. Romeo presents his love to Juliette and wants to seal it with a kiss, however Juliette at first pulls away and denies her attraction to Romeo, until they touch hands and the chemistry ignites a flame and the two share a kiss. On the other hand, Polonius wants his daughter Ophelia to end her relationship with her lover, as he claims Hamlet is just infatuated with her and that is not true love. Ophelia stands up for her lover but does not want to cross her father so she is left with uncertainty. Polonius destroys the beauty in Ophelia’s love for Hamlet as a protective father, whereas Romeo sees the beauty in Juliette and true and genuine. 

*** This is a very good effort. It’s well-written, well-organized, and gives gives a good sense of what happens in the texts. Yet there are a number of things that could be improved. First, it’s twice as long as it should be (it’s 203 words). Second, it could focus less on what happens and more on how it happens. The response starts off strong with the symbolism of red and cross, yet instead of exploring how these symbols work in conjunction with the religious language and the elaborate conceit, the student falls into summary. Don’t get me wrong: this is a good response. But to get a better mark you need to focus more on structure and literary strategy, and less on description and plot. (One detail: an act in drama refers to a larger grouping of scenes; what we have here are passages or parts of scenes).

❧

The sensual imagery flourishes in Romeo and Juliet when he sees Juliet for the first time from across the room and he says, “Did my heart love till now?” … “I ne’er saw true beauty till this night”, referring to her innocently pure, angelic beauty.  Romeo engages with Juliet, he humbles himself to her saintly virtues, “Thus, from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged”.  He is saying that a kiss from her will wash away his sins. The sensual imagery is extinguished by Polonius after Ophelia expresses that Hamlet has made “tenders of his affection”. Polonius puts her down as “a green girl” calling her naïve, and inexperienced when it comes to matters of the heart. Polonius tells Ophelia her virginity is a form of sexual currency, and Hamlet’s tenders are not “sterling” but counterfeit currency and should be rejected. It ultimately seems that Polonius would rather use his daughter's virginal chastity as currency to leverage political power at royal court.  (163)

*** This response is too long (it must be 100 words max) and it’s uneven in terms of quality: it starts off poorly yet it ends very powerfully. The notion of “sexual currency” and the final sentence are especially clear and effective. I would suggest keeping to the economic point and flushing it out a bit more (until 100 words…). The first half could be omitted, especially since Romeo isn’t saying that her kiss will wash away his sin; he’s using notions of sin and forgiveness to get Juliet to engage in more ‘sin.’ Finally, make sure to differentiate a title, Romeo and Juliet, from the characters, which do not take italics. For these types of details, see Essays and Marking.

❧

Romeo uses vivid images of Juliet’s beauty by comparing her to a snowy dove to show how beautiful Juliet is in comparison to others (crows). In contrast, Polonius uses metaphor to show Ophelia that Hamlet’s promises are out of lust since he is young and free, therefore she should not mistake it for love. Also, Romeo uses vivid sensual words by comparing hand holding to kissing to allude Juliet about his craving desires for her. While Polonius compares Hamlet to pious bawds to show Juliet that his speeches are just empty promises used to deceive her for his desires.Lastly, Romeo uses imagery to coax Juliet into giving herself to him while Polonius uses imagery to firmly dissuade Ophelia from giving herself to Hamlet. 

***  This response starts off very clear in the first two sentences, yet the language becomes more awkward after this: “allude Juliet” is ungrammatical and “craving desires” is awkward; also, the third and fourth sentences might be combined to avoid the sentence fragment. On the other hand, the use of italics is helpful, since it makes key words stand out. Avoid referring to imagery unless you then show what this imagery is and how this imagery works. The final sentence downplays structure and literary analysis and highlights summary and plot. Try to do the exact opposite.

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#1

Both Romeo and Polonius use imagery of burning to describe the attraction a man has for the woman he desires, but while Romeo believes it to be eternal and divine, Polonius see’s it as fleeting and untrustworthy. In the first line, Romeo attributes the source of flame to Juliet, then he proceeds to liken her to a star in the sky, which is both eternal and heavenly or divine. Polonius claims these ‘blazes’ are ‘extinct in both’ light and heat, or gone as soon as they appear, and with the last line, he cautions they should not be trusted.

#2

Images of fire indicate romance and passion, but not necessarily sincerity. Enchanted by Juliet, Romeo immediately likens her to a fire with two images: first that Juliet is so bright that she teaches ‘the torches to burn bright’, and then that she’s a star, hanging “upon the cheek of night”. However, when Polonius describes Hamlet’s vows of affection for Ophelia as a fire, he says it’s one that is “more light than heat.” In other words, it’s just talk. Hamlet’s promises are just a show, and Polonius warns Ophelia not to mistake his promises for a real fire.

*** These two responses are clear and well-written. Both highlight short, key words and phrases, rather than repeat lengthy phrases or sentences. This is necessary in a response paragraph with a maximum word count. This is also very effective because it allows your syntax (or word order) and your ideas to dominate the analysis. This is much better than supplying a list of quotes and making your reader connect the quotes to what you’re saying about them.

❧

In stark contrast to Romeo’s loving descriptions of Juliet’s beauty, Polonius believes that all romance is but a transaction. While both Romeo and Polonius use torches to describe love as bright, Polonius believes there is no real light or heat behind such things, it is merely a parlour trick. Warning Ophelia to not mistake it for fire, Polonius further compares Hamlet’s professions of love to those of a pimp.

*** The cartoon response goes very well with the verbal response that follows it. Apart from the slight grammatical error (“such things, it is” could be edited to “such things, and they are merely parlour tricks”), the writing is clear and cuts to the chase. This directness suits the direct language of the cartoon. The graphics are also wonderfully expressive and subtle: Ophelia shrinks as her father rises and crushes her love; her words fall likewise from high open expression to low internal expression. Her words become more internal, foreshadowing her internally bruised state, referenced in the ironic line, “That won’t drive anyone mad…”

Laertes, Polonius, Hamlet, & Ophelia

In both passages nature imagery is used to show us beauty that needs to be preserved but also a negative side that goes along. When Laertes is advising Ophelia in hamlet he is comparing human thoughts and growth processes to that of nature. As humans we have urges that come to use naturally that we need to either work. We are shown imagery of beauty and happiness but also of pain and hardship. Whereas in There is a Willow, Gertrude uses imagery to paint a picture of this place where Ophelia dies. Gertrude describes it as a physically place of beauty and peace but also spiritually dark. She is trying to preserve the remaining good images of Ophelia while acknowledging what dark things have happened. Leartes and Gertrude use nature to paint images off good and bad and how we can relate to them.

*** This is a good analysis, yet it is seriously flawed by awkward and ungrammatical writing. I’ve put the errors in bold, so you might go through it and see if you can correct them.

❧

Shakespeare uses the imagery of flowers and nature in two key scenes in Hamlet, Laerte’s advice and there is a willow. In Laerte’s advice, Laerte warns Ophelia to spurn Hamlet’s affection. The violet in the youth of primy nature he speaks of is Hamlet’s desire for Ophelia, which is “forward, not permanent, sweet, not lasting.” Like a flower, while it appears to be beautiful now, its beauty will soon fade, and Hamlet will tire of Ophelia. In there is a willow, Gertrude is describing Ophelia’s death, which occurred while she was picking flowers on the branch of a willow tree. Ophelia falls into the water with her flowers, where her clothes hold her up for awhile, before she finally drowns. Her death is depicted almost innocently, with the image of her “clothes spread wide, almost mermaid like,” presenting the last image of her as one of beauty before she dies.

*** This response is too long (150 words). It starts off well, yet the second half is too close to summary. The second and third sentences bring out the key words in the text effectively, yet they need a bit of proofreading (Leartes, not Laerte). Note the skillful integration of quotations.

 ❧

#1

Shakespeare uses nature imagery in Laertes’ advice, and There is a Willow portrays Ophelia's confined, difficult life and release in death. Laertes refers to Ophelia as a violet. He talks of canker galls destroying flowers before their buttons bloom; referencing Ophelia being pure like a flower, easily destroyed by Hamlet, the “worm”. Laertes instructs Ophelia to disallow Hamlet to besmirch her virtue. Later, after madness engulfs Ophelia, she’s found at the river's edge; Shakespeare uses the willow tree to represent her growing sadness. When the envious silver broke, so did her will to fight for life, as she was free. 

#2

Shakespeare consistently associates Ophelia with flowers. Flower imagery in the former excerpt symbolizes vulnerability and threat where Laertes’ warns Ophelia by comparing her to a flower bud that is yet to bloom and susceptible to worms (her adolescent desires). In the later excerpt, Gertrude elucidates Ophelia’s fatal fall into the brook with her treasured flowers which weaves together the two scenes that how Ophelia, indeed, fell to her desires. The flowers, her (only) prized possessions, accompany her floating alongside, painting an image of awe in the reader's mind while she bids adieu to the world. 

#3

Shakespeare heavily emphasizes the duality of nature in its fleeting beauty. Laertes compares Ophelia’s love for Hamlet to a beautiful flower full of vibrance and youth, to be gazed at, but not to become attached to as it will wither with time. When her death is later described by Gertrude, she is clad in flowers as she drowns herself. Her beauty is fleeting, like the flowers she wears before her death, and just like Hamlet’s own appreciation for her, she slowly fades out of sight and into the depths of the river.

*** All three of these are well-written, insightful, and attentive to poetic detail. They all clearly show how nature symbolism works in relation to Ophelia’s early state and to her eventual death. The first response is choppier, more list-like than the second, and also tends toward observation at times. The first two contain minor slips in expression (“bloom; referencing” in #1; “two scenes that how” in #2), whereas the third is without error.

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