Collected Works ✏️ Vancouver

Dear Matthew

Dear Matthew:

Welcome to your new home! We hope you’re settling in OK.

This letter contains information, terms, and resources to help you adjust to your new life.

During the Consolidation Process (the assimilation of an alien species into the Baulian Empire) the standard operating procedure is to enlist the cooperation and involvement of a select few, those who stand out from the other beings to whom we have given the privilege of continued existence. You are one of this select few!

(For reference to the reasons for Earth’s subjugation and purification, please see The Assimilation of S 2,700,000, which you can find by pressing the key marked Earth 2.7 at the top of your extended right screen).

As per standard operating procedure, the Baulian Empire has allowed 83% of the indigenous population to remain alive. 17% have been incinerated, to make it clear that resistance is futile. Entirely useless.

Most humans will simply carry on doing what they were doing, yet within an improved framework, one which doesn’t involve wrecking their own planet. Others are selected for special reasons, such as their unique identities, their expertise, or their potential contribution to a smooth and harmonious integration of the planet into the Baulian Empire. 

You, Matthew, have been chosen because we value your expertise in the documentation of the human condition. More specifically, you’ve been chosen because you’re a writer of fiction. We already have endless tracts of technical and scholarly material. We need to supplement these with perspectives unlike those found in standard volumes of history, geography, political science, etc. 

What the Empire requires of you is nothing that you don’t already require of yourself. We don’t want to turn you into a version of ourselves, or into a version of some previous writer or thinker. We want you to document life as you see it within the parameters of history, philosophy, and culture. Later, we’ll offer you the chance to contact and interact with Baulian thinkers and writers, and to explore the sentient worlds outside your own solar system. But for now we require that you give an account of life as you saw it, as you lived it, and as you now think about it in relation to larger currents of human culture and intergalactic life.

All the information you require is literally at your finger tips. What humans referred to as the Internet has been integrated into the Link, which contains most of what the average Baulian accesses on a regular basis. All files have been cross-indexed and contain previous versions (see these under File History). While certain types of information are unavailable or restricted, you should find more than enough to keep you busy. The Link includes all the entertainment channels, online sites, and media platforms on Earth, in the other 2,699,999 subjugated worlds, and in the 78,432 civilizational systems. Translations and dubbings for all media can be accessed by pressing the Tower of Babel key on the top right of the main screen. 

We understand that on Earth there’s a legend about this Tower. Although it ends with the Tower being destroyed because of a theological misunderstanding, we find it an inspiring premise. In it we see a glimmer of promise that we hope to build on.

Suite and personal maintenance services are provided every three days, and can be scheduled for any time of day (just press the French Maid key). The maids are Baulomorphs, that is, humans who were infracted (or re-engineered, if you prefer) in such a way that they look human yet are Baulian for all other intents and purposes. These Baulomorphs will be much easier for you to interact with, given that Baulians can be somewhat intimidating at first sight (we’re eight cubic feet in shape, bright pink in colour, and have 14 appendages). Unlike the standard Baulian, the French Maid Baulomorphs are small enough to enter your suite.

You will find a food menu by pressing the broccoli key, and your selection will be delivered within 1-20 minutes directly into your mini-fridge or mini-oven. Given that the slaughterhouses are being dismantled and that there are now few consumers for such products, there remains a fine selection of previously dismembered animals: pork cutlets, rack of lamb, chicken legs and chests, filet mignon, etc. We suggest that you also read the Baulian Food Registry and Ethics Council Guidelines, which will determine your diet once you are re-integrated into Earth 2.7. We suggest that you slowly ween yourself from the disgusting habit of eating animals like yourselves.

The environment outside your capsule is in transition. The previous toxic systems of transportation and energy consumption are being dismantled. More efficient and environmentally-friendly systems are being constructed. This of course necessitates ripping up, recycling, and regenerating entire districts. The city is at present full of robots, gigantic sky machines, portable regeneration centres, etc. It resembles an enormous construction site.

You’re presently being stored in a warehouse of about 25,000 capsules. In about two months you’ll be transferred to a location that’s suitable for walking outside, meeting other beings, taking orange baths, etc. We appreciate your patience during this process of terraregeneration.

While we realize this may not be an ideal situation for you, please remember that it’s better to be alive than to be dead. Also keep in mind that the Baulian Empire has permitted you to retain your reclusive personality and your detached and obsessive dedication to the art of writing.

We’ll keep you posted on the progress outside and on the date of your re-integration.

Until then, with warm regards,

Beelzebannur

District Integration Counsellor, Grade II

District 2.7E’/*3.56.92*7775>u78947.4/888136

✏️

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